The Truth About Bigfoot

Ok, so I refer to Bigfoot as a him all through this & this image is actually a her

We all know Bigfoot and his story. Well, ok, we probably don't know Bigfoot's story, except that every now and again there's a supposed sighting of him (or her if that video from the 60's is actually real). And sure, some of these “sightings” are nothing more than hoaxes made by people who are bored, want a little bit of fame or just want to hurt and discredit the whole Bigfoot mystery. And then there's the fact that some of these sightings have been made by terrified people who have simply just imagined they saw Bigfoot. They're not making a deliberate effort to hoax people with their claims. They just don't know what they actually saw. They saw something scary and their brain told them it's Bigfoot they're fleeing from. But not everyone who sees Bigfoot is given to these kind of hysterics; hunters, current or ex-servicemen/women, current or retired law enforcement officers should all be expected to keep a cool and level head in a Bigfoot sighting situation. Moreover, a number of them (particularly the hunters) should be able to tell the difference between a large bear and a giant primate.

Now imagine the damage Bigfoot would do

Except one of the biggest arguments the sceptics like to use to prove that Bigfoot doesn't exist is the fact that no body has ever been found. He hasn't even turned up on the road as road kill (and let's be honest, the only vehicle large enough to properly take down a Bigfoot is a truck. Just imagine a little Hyundai Excel striking a Bigfoot! It would be worse than hitting a roo!)

So how do you explain this? Quite simply, really:

Bigfoot is a Morlock!

Depending on which school you belong to this is your typical Morlock

Or perhaps you're of the school where this is the typical Morlock

Bigfoot actually lives in an elaborate set of underground tunnels, only emerging above ground to do some exploring and to make some observations about the what is happening in the world … and maybe to also scare the hell out of any bush walkers in the area (I'm sure they enjoy scaring people).

Now I can hear some of you saying, “Surely their tunnels would've been picked up by sensors that pick up on that kind of thing by now!” Well, no they wouldn't, because not only is Bigfoot a Morlock, he's also an alien. He's got super advanced alien technology protecting his set of elaborate underground tunnels (and depending on how you swing, he could also have the aid of government's and military to help protect him from the general public).

So if Bigfoot is actually an alien who hides out underground, what is he doing? Besides scaring the hell out of unsuspecting bush walkers, he's here to observe mankind and the world (as I've already mentioned). Now it's not so easy for a six foot something, hairy and apparently very smelly creature to sneak around unnoticed.

They wouldn't be able to get much work done if they were going out and taking sleeping people to study themselves (there'd probably be a few more Bigfoot sightings if that was the case), so they send out their helpers, the Greys, their worker drones, to retrieve their human subjects for them.

They've been doing this and more for years.

But that isn't all that they've been doing. As you're probably aware, the Bigfoot phenomenon isn't just restricted to America. There have been sightings of him all across the world, with sightings of the Yeti in the Himalayas to sightings of the Yowie right here in our own backyard

and elsewhere all across the world. Even the Lock Ness Monster is actually Bigfoot; they have a giant base set up under Loch Ness and the monster that we affectionately know as Nessy is actually a machine of theirs that allows them to explore the Loch and it's surrounds. That's right, Nessy is in fact, nothing more than some kind of alien submarine. Nessy isn't the only one of these they have. It's just that Nessy is the only one of these used in an area that is also inhabited by people.

On top of observing us and our world, Bigfoot also likes to keep track of our superstitions and beliefs. This is done by simply unleashing monsters or aliens (it is unclear which these are) from

other worlds and then record how we react to them. A few centuries ago we would've reacted to Chupacabra and Mothman as demons that we have to pray away. Now we simply argue about whether or not such creatures exist and organise little investigative parties to find out the truth of such beings. The same is also true of Bigfoot himself. By doing this kind of thing, Bigfoot is able to keep a clear track of where we are spiritually.

Except all this is kind of eye catching to the average, paranoid human being (and let's face it, we're all a little bit paranoid when it comes to the supernatural and aliens). What does Bigfoot do when he wants to do some stealthy observations? Everything I've mentioned so far has been far from that. Well, it's actually quite simple.

After all, we've started doing the same thing ourselves. That is, to send out unmanned drones. Except Bigfoot's unmanned drones are quite a bit more sophisticated than ours. Not to mention faster. As I just said, we're a pretty paranoid bunch (especially now that we're fighting the war against terror), and are likely to notice drones buzzing around the place. Well, not if those drones are too fast for the human eye to see. That's right, I'm talking about those rods that occasionally turn up in pictures and on film. These rods aren't some sinister (well, actually they could be sinister. We don't actually know what Bigfoot's plans are) beings from another dimension or their missiles. These are actually super fast, unmanned drones that Bigfoot uses to monitor our day to day life. That way he gets to see what we're up to without us seeing (mostly) him watch us.

Peace out!

Fox

*This isn't factual and is based purely on conjecture*

Is Originality Dead in Hollywood?

I  don't know if you've noticed this but creativity seems to be dead in Hollywood, especially in the movie industry. 

You've probably noticed this. 

It isn't exactly that hard to miss. 

After all, everything released in cinemas in the last decade are adaptations of books/comics (apparently every single best seller must be converted into a movie, otherwise it's not really a best seller), or it's a sequel or a prequel to an already existing movie. There's even been a few remakes/reboots. 

Nothing too original in the top blockbusters of the last 13 years. I mean there's the odd completely original movie in there. But they're a rare thing. They're mostly just adaptations, sequels/prequels or reboots. And I'm getting sick of it. For a start, it's making me lazy: there really isn't point reading the book if it's going to end up on the big screen in a couple of years anyway. Or the movie turns out to be a massive let down, because the original was better or the original story was butchered in the adaptation (which I guess also fits into the whole "the original was better" argument). Don't even get me started on sequels. They're pretty much hit and miss, which is better than prequels, which usually suck. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm loving all the Marvel movies, and the latest Batman movies (but not superman. Never really been a Superman fan), and I am looking forward to seeing Catching Fire movie later this year (even if none of the tributes except Finnick look anything like I imagined them [anothet issue with adaptations]). And I'm also really looking forward to the Veronica Mars movie, and I really want Captain Planet to be made into a movie (if only so a whole new generation can experience the awesomeness of Captain Planet). 

But what I really want to see happening again is movies that aren't some kind of adaptation, sequel or prequel or a remake. You know, something that's vaguely original. 

Unfortunately, though, originality seems to have left mainstream culture these days. Although, I suppose that's a good thing for all those struggling indie writers. They're now getting more of a chance at success. Or, at least, they will once people start tiring of all of the unoriginal movies being presented in mainstream cinemas. 

Or maybe it's just me with this issue. Let me know what you think. 

Peace out!

Fox

It Is Time for a Captain Planet Movie

Ok, so last week we heard rumours that Sony is in final negotiations for a Captain Planet film, sparking excitement in the hearts of 90's kids everywhere who grew up watching the animated series on TV. 

Well, actually, tentative excitement would be more accurate. We've heard these rumours before and we're still without a Captain Planet movie. There were even rumours of a live action TV series being made in the late 90's (although, I only heard this the other day). 

I've said before that rumours and hearsay are the best kinds of evidence. But in this case, they're really not. They just get everyone's hopes up only to smash them again when nothing happens. We just have to wait with bated breath (and crossed fingers), and hope that something happens this time. 

But that begs the question: why hasn't there been a Captain Planet film made yet?

I mean, since X-Men debuted in 2000
(wow, that was a long time ago), superhero movies have proven to be extremely popular with movie goers. So much so that there's even been reboots in a very short amount of time. So there's very little doubt about the public wanting superheroes. Plus, you know, so many people grew up watching Captain Planet as kids. Everyone will flock to the cinemas just to see their favourite Eco hero on the big screen. It'll be just like what happened with Tomorrow When the War Began all over again. 

And then there's the whole Eco hero thing: in the last decade or so, saving the environment has become a big thing. It's all about going green and saving the world. What better way to help spread this message and get people to start thinking more about the environment than with a massive blockbuster propaganda movie? I mean, let's face it, that's pretty much what the TV series was back in the day: short twenty minute episodes of pro environment propaganda. But you know what, it worked. It made so many kids more aware about saving the world and looking after the environment. It helped to convince me that littering wasn't cool (although I did always want to meet Captain Planet and the Planeteers). 

Although, the rise in Green did kind of coincide with 911, and Captain Planet and the franchise's fans do like to use the term "Eco-terrorist". Maybe the powers to be felt that a movie that contained the term "terrorist" and wasn't about some crazy Middle Eastern people trying to bring down America wasn't appropriate. Or maybe they were scared that it would spawn a whole new breed of terrorist that wanted to save the environment and not focus on any kind of political agenda (egads! The horror!). Green Peace and anyone else concerned about the environment were already creating too much noise and getting too much attention (those bastards). 

But now, a decade or so on and things are completely different: the world's leaders are talking about what can be done to save the environment and prevent climate change, the world isn't so highly strung about the term "terrorist" and (more importantly) superhero movies have more than proven themselves to be popular. 

The world is ready for a Captain Planet movie. And now is the perfect time for a movie about a superhero who is all about saving the environment and preventing climate change. Let's hope that these rumours about Sony and their final negotiations are true and we finally get to see our beloved Eco hero on the big screen.