What time is it?! BRAAAAAAAAIIINSSSSS

Let's face it, very few things are scary when it comes to the media outside of their coverage of One Direction fans and the weird love the Internet has for Bobs Burgers. Seriously, that show. Ugh. Which is a shame, as the voice cast is great. Unfortunately they're just unable to produce that kind of unsettling, constant terror, erm, constantly. Movies tend to be more successful. Books and comics? I don't think so. Video games though? That has potential. Unfortunately since pretty much the first horror game that potential has been largely squandered. That's nobodies fault at first. I mean, really, unless it's E.T. there's going to be nothing terrifying you on the Atari. That whole era of gaming though, is kind of irrelevant. I don't want to talk about, you don't want to read about it (not from me at least, I'll make mistakes and then you'll get angry and stop calling). Throughout the 90's and 00's horror was making it big again (or as I grew up alongside the 'New' gaming industry, we simply noticed it more) and games were there too. But, I don't know. Most of them seem terribly... safe. It's all about jumps rather than fear. Sure, you have your Silent Hills, and your System Shocks and whatnot's (Fatal Frame, I suppose. I've heard it's quite good. Is it?).

Well that has changed. Ubisoft has revived it's ancient Zombi property with one of the launch titles for the Wii U. It presented, pretty much from out of nowhere with little hype, Zombi U. A game set in England after the zombie apocalypse has torn down society (yes, I know, we're all sick of zombies after we spent three seasons with the main cast of the Walking Dead, but this just helps prove my point), you play the role of a survivor being guided by a somewhat angry sounding disembodied voice, who you kind of want to slap. Luckily the disembodied voice came with a free safe house, for you to use as a base in the London underground. So that's something. Either way, you're out in the wild for the most part. Armed with a cricket bat, a backpack and a Wii U gamepad (that's clearly what it is, let's not split hairs. It's your map/inventory/hub section). You can run, you can shove. You can take whatever you find provided you have room. And, oh yeah, you are surrounded by zombies. The difference between this game and others?

No idiot ball in this here, unlike most ZA's.

It. Is. terrifying.

This game takes the phrase "survival horror" incredibly literally. One of the first weapons you find is a handgun (that, disappointingly does not make the silenced PP7 sounds from GoldenEye). Finally, you can do some damage to the zombies from a distance! No more getting up close, as you angle yourself behind some of the broken down cars and line up your sights.

Bang! Bang!

Oh. Right. Someone doesn't know their horrors. Noise attracts them just as much here as it does in zombie movies. Pretty soon you're being chased by a group, and even though their speed is between lumbering like Romero's and sprinting like Boyle's rage things, it is not fun. They come from all sides, and really think you look quite appetising. And they will catch you, devour you and turn you. It's not pretty and it can happen without you even noticing. Why? Because this game isn't about killing the zombies it's about surviving them, and if you don't take it slowly, use your brain and plan things the game will punish you; it will punish you so badly your friends and family will wonder where the bruises come from. As you go around London scavenging and performing tasks for the annoying voice (who often takes time out from his busy schedule of ordering you around to ramble on and on like a crazy person or insult your actions--without distracting you. It dawns on you fairly quickly your only ally in the world is a clearly unwell man hiding in the shadows), you have to be very careful what you do or don't take. You only have limited space in your backpack, and equipable items slots. Luckily the Wii U gamepad you have in your possession has a ping radar, so you can tell where red dots are all over the maps. If you can find the maps. Yeah, you don't have any at the start. And the red dots aren't necessarily zombies. They could be corpses or even live animals. It can also scan the area to help you find items, messages from other survivors and mission directives, but really even with that the odds come stacked against you.

Visually the game is as dark and dank as you'd expect London to be after a soccer riot zombie apocalypse, with just enough movement by nature to keep you on your toes, though there are a number of flaws, and the game itself does look a little... limp compared to even others on the system. but it's not the games high point. That would be the gameplay (duh). But even the audio is fantastic. Crisp, clear, ever present and petrifying. You can here everything near you and things that are not, and you won't be sure if they're coming to you. Using the audio to keep you on your guard is a brilliant move that the game fully embraces, from the zombies gurgles, to the crackling flames engulfing broken down, burnt out cars to the thumps and shrieks of the minimal soundtrack as you lose your life.

Really to go any further in to this would be a mistake. It's an experience game, one you should play for yourself, knowing as little as possible about it. But, let's just take a quick look over those things that make it terrifying one last time:

1. Limited weapons and ammo that are quite weak, and little inventory space
2. Zombies that move quick enough to be a threat but slow enough to fool you into thinking you can take on a group
3. A radar that can't differentiate between zombies, corpses and animals
4. Extreme punishment if you try and be a no-kill-nelly or an American gun crazy action hero.
5. When you die, you lose everything. Because you get a brand new character. And your now deceased character is out there, in the game, with all your items, waiting to eat you.

Didn't I mention that last one earlier? Yep, one of the darkest, most well thought out and unique aspects to the game actually makes you encounter your zombified former-self. When you see that happening in game, it is an odd experience. One that is as unsettlingly powerful as it is successful at distracting you long enough to get you killed, even without loads and loads of back story for each survivor. You're given their name, you get a quick look at them, and then they become you. It's hard to describe just how it feels to spend hours with a survivor only to be struck down by a careless mistake and encounter their zombified body later. It's intense, it's strange and it's frightening, much like the rest of the game. Do yourself a favour and get it. It's a true highlight of not only the console or the survival horror, but the last year of gaming.

Edited to add: You also get a flashlight! (But it's not a great one.)

See? Told you so.

- Gouki